My Double Portion

Isaiah 61:1-4,7 The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,to proclaim liberty to the captives,and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; 2 to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,and the day of vengeance of our God;to comfort all who mourn; 3 to grant to those who mourn in Zion—to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,the oil of gladness instead of mourning,the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;that they may be called oaks of righteousness,the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. 4 They shall build up the ancient ruins;they shall raise up the former devastations;they shall repair the ruined cities,the devastations of many generations.
7 Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion;instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot;therefore in their land they shall possess a double portion;they shall have everlasting joy.




Their little blond heads bobbed up and down as they ran. Their mouths open with laughter and squealing. It was a beautiful Spring day. When I turned into the driveway the boys begged to get out and run to the house. It was one of their favorite things to do. They were 6 and 3 at the time. Our driveway is long and disappears into the woods before you get to our house at the top of the hill. I was watching them in my rear view mirror with a heart about to burst with joy. It was then that the Lord brought Isaiah 61: 1-4 to mind. It was one of those "God moments" where everything slows down and goes silent and I know He is about to tell me something He really wants me to get. My bible was in the seat beside me and when I got to the top of the hill He prompted me to read Isaiah 61. I know these verses very well after having prayed them daily for most of a year as I went through some very difficult times. Again He said, "read it, the whole chapter"- I had never gone beyond verse 4. As I read from my bible, I came to verse 7 "Instead of your shame their shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy." My boys laughter pierced my thoughts and I looked up to see them now coming up the hill as the Lord said "there is your double portion- your shame is gone- rejoice". I was overwhelmed.



The past two years had been spent dealing with some past issues that I had drug around for almost 11 years. The enemy had convinced me I'd never be free of them. The Lord had brought Isaiah 61 across my path during yet another bible study I was taking hoping this time it would be the one that "took". I had clung to it- praying it almost daily- sometimes with my face literally in my bible as I laid on the floor. Maybe I could somehow breathe it in or absorb it into my brain by osmosis. Then He brought someone across my path who encouraged me to take yet another bible study but this one was different. It was with other women just like me- burdened with the shame and guilt of their past decision- unable to escape it. I went. I remember thinking that this one probably wouldn't help either. I continued to pray the same scripture wanting so bad to have real freedom. Three weeks into the study there it was. Isaiah 61:1-4. It was the first time I felt real hope. This time it "took". This time I finally surrendered my burden not to pick it up again. I felt real freedom. I could breath deeply for the first time in 11 years. That day on my driveway was a "full circle" moment. It was the Lord wiping away any residual doubt that I still held on to that I was indeed fully forgiven. It was His reminder of how much He loves me.



Fast forward 8 years. Yesterday was Mother's Day. The morning was spent at church, one of my most favorite places to be. For so many years I felt unworthy to sit in church, now it is one of the placest I feel most content. I sat with both my boys beside me as we listened to the message our pastor had for us. Speaking out of Proverbs 31 (collective groan from all you out there who automatically start measuring yourself to this super woman) he made mention of the fact that these words were communicated to King Lemuel by his mother. He made the statement that if your mother had been the one to pass on her faith to you then you should thank her. My youngest leaned over and touched my arm. I leaned down to hear him say "Thank you mom". My heart was overwhelmed once again. The Lord has been gracious enough to allow me to be the one who led both my boys to the Lord. I felt it was His special gift to me to remind me of His victory in my life. He brought back the memory of that Spring day in my driveway. Sitting there He once again reminded me that He did indeed give me a double portion instead of shame, as Isaiah 61 speaks of. He is so good. His love still overwhelms me. The more I learn of Him the more I want to know.
..................................I've only begun to scratch the surface.